Wednesday, June 19, 2013

A PRO, A DIED OUT TALENT AND A NOVICE.

God knows I dont easily get impressed. Yet in all my sporadic long years of blogging, only few pieces have caught my attention and stayed with me, especially when it is a short piece. On yes, on those, i set the bar really really high. 

The last time some short piece did impress was one by Nana Yaw Asiedu, one of Gh's fine bloggers. 
I have taken the pain or rather pleasure to reproduce it in its entirety here.

"The Devil Tried to Sell Me Bread Last Night
I was stuck in the Accraian vehicular mud on the way home when he accosted me near the dark Airport Traffic lights. He materialised upon me, wielding a loaf of bread in his right hand. His left hand was out of my view, so I could not see the miniature pitchfork certain to be clutched in it. His eyes were hard and bloody, his ears, hairy and elfin. He gave one severe look, and I zigzagged through the queue. He may have been a human vendor, but I didn’t stick around to discover. I fled with the thought that since the time of Jesus, You-Know-Who has been tempting Earth with bread"

The next was by KASAPOLEY. Yep! She only calls herself that though because as she puts it " Kasa Poley  is Fante for talkative. I feel I have something to say. This is my way of putting it out there. Her last blog post was in 2011. Sad. Such talent. 
Just read below

CELIBACY.
  I am a very sexual person. I don't see myself as a nympho. I just like good sex and I'm stupidly open-minded. I'm only twenty-two and I think I have done everything.

  Recently I have been making lovey-dovey feelings take over my life because of sex. I love being single and I hate pressure. I feel like most people around me want to fuck and it is getting annoying. I don't know how not to be myself. I can meet someone for the first time and if I like the person's vibe I feel free to talk about anything that is on my mind. Sex is a topic that everyone finds interesting so the moment that comes up and I free my mind I start getting hit on. It is becoming irritating. I always feel like I have ''FUCK ME'' written on my damn forehead. The fact that I am open doesn't mean I'll fuck.

  To me, sex is art. I feel like an artist during intercourse. I get this emotional rush. I feel like whoever and I are the only ones in the world and at that particular moment the person is my only care in the world. Pure pleasure. I don't get attracted to people's appearance. I won't fuck you because you are beautiful or handsome. I'll fuck you because of where your mind is at.

  I have named this post celibacy because as at midnight today, I decided to become celibate. Sex is complicating my life. Too much emotion running around. I'll start having sex again when I meet someone who I want to be in a real relationship with.

I hurt someone last week and I'm feeling really bad about it. Although it is not entirely my fault it is my fault. (I don't know if you understand it but I can't be bothered explaining it).Sometimes following your instincts gets you out of drama that could easily be avoided.

I hope I dont get tempted.

Back though to why i have summoned y'all here to this blonce again after such a long hiatus.
As a way of reviving my blog, I figured the best way was to guest feature someone to write a piece on absolutely anything. The results most definately blew my mind away. 

The writing is deliciously exquisite and gosh i cant believe she is a novice to this. If Efua Sutherland is ever gonna be outdone, i guess we just found out by who. The writer though only ghost signed the piece and I'll oblige in not revealing any further about her identity. 

You right, I should let just let you have a first hand feel. Do well to leave your comments and reactions to the writing style. As always mind little the content but the strokes of her ink. Its beautiful. She calls it the weird bday

WEIRD BDAY
So am a weird person. That fact was settled longggggggggggggggggggggg ago, wont bore you with details but yes its confirmed by every single person i have ever met. However there is always a need to keep calm and never (never ever) give the first impression of my weirdness. This I do gleefully and without malice (who am i kidding. i do it gleefully with cunning malice)

SO UPON MY ENTRANT INTO THE LAW FACULTY AS A STUDENT, I ALWAYS HEARD ‘PPLE’ (and by people you know who. Our learned gossips. Best source of dishing info on anyone at any time. As for its credibility well…)…..so I heard about a certain obnoxious and very very very very rude man (man?) huh student (that’s better) called Oliver.

He generally shied away from ‘the populace’, always had the I-know-more-than-u do-look. I was instantly ‘enchanted’ like a virgin bride on the first sight of her own to be devourer’s anatomy. I was transfixed! Not to blow my own horns (although that’s the idea) am pretty. I like to choose my kind of men and never the other way round. I know am a dish and I don’t care.

Back to the subject matter...OLIVER! Getting close to him was ‘THE CHALLENGE’ haba! Never saw him and when I did, having a one on one (clean thoughts Pls) proved to be the slaying of the kraken. BUT even that giant demon was slayed. Cunningly and with wit, I made my way into his way ‘drunkenly’ at a beach party. Now I must say I love my drinks, I know my drinks and I NEVER get drunk enough to hinder my mobility so that drunkenness could be argued to be perhaps…unreal? Fictional? U decide.

The rest was blah blah blah blah….as usual crawling (yes crawling. That dude was just something else) my way in UNTIL on the 21st of April. Now I must say I really didn’t see me becoming his friend. To me, he was a conquest sort of. We were gonna have a little fun then we would no longer be so tight well at least I would be gone (Marion jones style). But on the dawn of that day which happened to be my twenty something bday I received a call about a delivery at my door, opened my door to find presents only and no person. I was (tearfully?) so touched. Oliver remembered my bday. From then on, he made a friend in me.

Morale of the story; presents can swiftly shift you from an amazing shagging mate to a friend faster than lightening. If he hadn’t he would have been tapping this ass. Kisses. AWO

You know who, I know you gonna hate me for this, but this is actually really beautiful. Just my way of saying, please please, when you become a Famous writer do remember you did it here first.  


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Random thoughts for today

Every Kingdom needs a rebel willing to stick his neck out and bell the Cat or tell the Emperor he has no clothes!

My Story is on MTV when im not even trying to "make a band". This one ryt here is history in the making. men!

Prejudged as an unbeliever! Judge not so that ye may not be judged! Some are jux holier than thou! Got the message? Shoot, not in the message! I had a dream i could buy my way into heaven, when i woke i spent that on a skirt! What did i do? Jux cant help acting more stupidly!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

What Is Right with Akpeteshie?

Today i have decided to feature an article by someone who is an inspiration to me. Folks enjoy Kofi Akpabli award winning article 

“What is wrong with Akpeteshie”

No one ever swallowed Akpeteshie and smiled. At best the reaction is a grimace or a frown. Some drinkers acknowledge receipt by blowing out air or pounding the chest. Such is the potency of the local gin that all senses are put under instant attack. But it does not end there.  Akpeteshie is so positively notorious that given the chance, its patrons would rather consume it in secret. To begin with, the local gin has a tall list of accusations which is almost incriminating. The criticisms are solid enough to confine the drink to the bottom of the hard liquor range. Still, this position in no way affects its popularity. With an active grass root loyalty, Akpeteshie is easily the most recognisable alcoholic brand in Ghana.  But without any advertisement how has the drink survived over the years? More importantly, can anything good come out of Akpeteshie?
Kill Me Quick, Ogoglo, Apio, VC10, Efie Nipa, Kele, Kumepreko, Anferewoase, Apiatiti, Home Boy, Nana Drobo, One Touch, Sodabi, Holy Water, Liquid Fire, Y2k, Agbaa, Yahoo.Com,  Man Pass Man, African Ice. Quick Action, Yes We Can.
The above is just one paragraph of accolades Akpeteshie answers to. For the information of the general public, this list is by no means exhaustive. When one turns to the various Ghanaian languages there are more. If the drink has so many aliases it only shows that it means so many things to so many. Rather humbly, Akpeteshie then becomes a kind of ‘‘that I shall be all things to all people.’’
According to patrons, using these titles is a way of showing reverence to a very important product. For the souls that Akpeteshie has won, the drink is too valuable to be referred to on first name basis. In respect of this sentiment we shall, for the purpose of this discourse also refer to Akpeteshie as Apio.

In the days of yore when Britannia ruled the shore of the Gold Coast they found Apio abominable. The open secret was that Akpeteshie was too competitive for their imported beverages. They knew that leaving the drink all alone would be a marketing disaster for their Jack Daniels and Old Toms. They therefore banned it. Oh yes, they did. So, when in March 1957 Ghana, our beloved country gained independence, Akpeteshie also became free forever.
Indeed, the drink’s very name is derived from its contraband history.  In Ga, the phrase, ‘‘akpe teshie’’ means to go into hiding. Because it was an outlawed drink, distillers, distributors and consumers all had to be secretive in dealing with the product. They had to operate in a ‘‘mau mau,’’ guerrilla fashion. This experience went a long way to account for the defiance character Akpeteshie and its drinkers are associated with.
The ‘bad boy’ image was thus handed down from one generation to another. Little wonder Akpeteshie has a freedom fighting spirit. Sons-in-law and oppressed tenants who have borrowed ‘Apio courage’ to face the powers-that-be will attest to this. Therefore, if the brand essence of champagne, for example, is ‘celebrating achievement,’ that of Akpeteshie would be ‘obiaa nnye obiaa.’
But to be honest, and for the records, Akpeteshie also has a very serious value proposition- that of faithfully serving Ghanaian traditional culture. From birth through marriage to death, the drink is required for a number of customary rites. It is used to pour libation and at the traditional level, it is part of the fine imposed at arbitrations. If one thinks of what Schnapps (in all it’s glory) is used for today, one should know that Akpeteshie ‘has been there and done that.’  Except for Islamic communities, this is true across the length and breadth of Ghana.

Like all forms of alcohol, akpeteshie denotes power relations. For example, in traditional communities, the true elder worth his salt is the one who always has a bottle of the stuff stashed under his bed. This gesture speaks volumes of the man’s readiness to serve custom at any given time. Also, when men gather for an occasion power or manliness tilts towards those who can swallow Akpeteshie with the solemn face of a priest at communion.
From time immemorial the process of distilling has remained the same. Apio is made mainly from palm wine and sugar cane.  Typically, the juice is allowed to ferment over a couple of days. Distilling involves applying intense heat to the fermented juice until it turns into vapour before finally trickling through copper pipe into sieved jars. The set up includes two barrels; one with the boiling fermented juice and the other is a barrel filled with cooling water. The copper pipe connects the two through the cooling system.
Akpeteshie is also distilled with juice from the cocoa fruit and also with sugar. Some distillers use nails to quicken fermentation. Scientists call this process oxidisation. Who says our ancestors knew no science?
Without a doubt, the defining feature of the drink is the rather high alcohol content. Because it is not well-documented, Apio’s alcoholic volume has become a myth of a sort. To some observers, it is as well because the alcohol content is so high that it is almost scandalous. To understand the kind of resource Akpeteshie is, let us note that Guinness Stout contains 7.5% alcohol while Star Beer has 5%. For proper comparison, Castle Bridge (another gin) is 40%. However, anybody who knows the game will tell you that Castle Bridge has no business rubbing shoulders with Akpeteshie. End of analysis.
Of course, our medical doctors are not at all amused by this concentration of alcohol. They warn that Akpeteshie could be harmful especially, to the liver. Medical doctors would tell you that any amount of alcohol taken causes some changes in the brain. When this persists it damages the brain leading to forgetfulness, lack of focus and depression.
Akpeteshie rocks the body. For the first timer, there is a kind of body-conquering  je ne sais quoiwhich is hard to describe. If one hasn’t tried boxing before the effect helps you see what a knockout punch probably feels like.
Each time you take in Apio, there is a feeling of attack. The nervous system instantly gets alerted and within seconds messages are sent to all the senses.
Then there is an upliftment, a buoyancy to a certain level of consciousness, this is quickly followed by a sinking feeling. If one is standing this is the time to tell the ground to stop moving.

Connoisseurs tend to liken Akpeteshie to Russian Vodka. Whether this is a compliment or not is a matter of debate. In Tokyo, I remember ever giving a sample of the drink to a friend from Kryghstan, former Soviet Union. Soon after recovering from the initial effects. ‘Boris’ sucked in air and with eyes all reddened asked:
‘Thhis, your national trink?’ Conscious to defend my nation’s pride, I did not know whether to agree or deny.
Another powerful element of Apio is the scent. When unconsumed, the drink cannot be said to smell that badly. But as soon as Akpeteshie enters the mouth, an abominable chemical reaction occurs which smells almost devilish.  The ‘‘fuse’’ is more provocative when one is boxed in an air-conditioned room. According to experts, the following can be chewed to offset the smell: groundnuts, ginger and corn on-the-cob. Trying to subdue the smell with chewing gum and peppermint is a waste of effort. As for brushing up the teeth after Akpeteshie, there is no worse remedy.  It provokes the smell.
Perhaps, if there is one factor that restricts big men from the product it is the scent. Actually, the relationship between Akpeteshie and ‘‘big men’’ is a curious one. Though the drink is seen as mass-oriented, in practice, a good number of consumers happen to be prominent folks. They usually use it as ‘‘foundation’’ while enjoying their prestigious drinks.

There is this standing rumour of a past Ghanaian Head of State. Apparently, this First Gentleman had a little fondness for Akpeteshie. The only problem was that the exigencies of high office were depriving him of the local gin.
As the story goes, this Commander -in- Chief once bumped into an old friend who used to be a drinking pal.  Contrary to such encounters, it was not the ordinary citizen but rather the ruler of the land who had an urgent request. He bemoaned how the high office has deprived him of the good old stuff. Would his trusted old friend be kind enough to undertake a small national assignment? Could he secure and discreetly deliver a gallon of Akpeteshie, for old time’s sake? And whilst at it, could he bear in mind that the affair remained a state secret?

Based on the intrigues of this antecdote an obvious question is: who drinks Akpeteshie? In demographic terms (gender, religion, age, occupation, etc), there is only one answer. Everybody. Yes every group in the above examples has a subset of Akpeteshie, drinkers;  namely:
Doctors, housewives, lawyers, traditionalists, school boys, pastors, bankers, machomen, kayayes, fishermen, Christians, politicians, by-day labourers, civil servants, writers, the elderly, cocoa growers, designers, professors, hiplife rappers, journalists, election officers, khebab sellers, commercial drivers.
For many of those who consume it, Akpetshie functions as the appetiser before meals. They claim that it enables them to eat well. Many female drinkers assign this as their reason. After cooking, the smell of the food sometimes overwhelms them and make them lose appetite. But Apio becomes a good remedy.  Interestingly, when you spell Akpeteshie on the computer without the last ‘e’ Bill Gates’ Microsoft Word will play it back as the synonym of appetite. This is no lie.
Akpeteshie is actually an international drink. Elsewhere, particularly in the Carribeans, its equivalent is rum. In Brazil the first cousin of Apio is a well known drink marketed as Cairpirinha.

In terms of the marketing mix, Akpeteshie has not done badly. As a product it is the strongest in its category. Its price is right (about ten times less than its acclaimed competitor, Vodka). It is available in nearly every place. Anytime you hear of ‘‘blue kiosk’’ know that the reference is to a base where the drink is sold. These days the market penetration has been improved by hawkers who carry it around town.
There is only a problem when one considers how the drink is packaged. Packaging is part of promotion and here, Akpeteshie scores zero. The drink is not bottled, not sealed and not labelled. Akpeteshie is always poured in used and borrowed bottles. In considering the possible images that I could use for this feature story, it occurred to me that though Akpeteshi has been with us all these years, there is not a single symbol that identifies it.
Irrespective of the brand, one can always recognise a beer bottle, same for soft drinks. With our traditional drinks a calabash, depending on the setting, could denote pito, or palm wine.  What  is the symbol for Akpeteshie? Can the absence of this be a national achievement or indictment?
Though it is doing well in sales the fact also remains that Akpeteshie has a huge image problem. Apio  is not available in supermarkets or even in retail grocery outlets. This is in part due to its own failings.

As the  l’enfant terrible of the hard liquor range, Akpeteshie does not have a good character. The drink has wrecked several homes. Many a young man has turned out to be worse off because they abused it. It has made accomplished men useless. Maybe, if Akpeteshie has not developed to a refined, well labelled brand it is due to its own ill reputation. Therefore, no tears for Akpeteshie.
These challenges notwithstanding, Apio  is good business. Demand for it is round the clock and round the calendar. For retailers, starting up the trade is pretty easy. All one needs is a gallon, a beer bottle, a minerals bottle, a couple of glasses and a funnel.  A bench for customers to sit on is good but not necessary. Many customers prefer to do the ‘standing ovation’, ie, stand, drink and move on.

If there is one alcoholic drink that has not needed advertising it is Apio. The drink has defied the theories of marketing. Everybody knows Akpeteshie. Even those who have never tasted know what it stands for. For any product, this is more than good. The drink has attained the stage in marketing communication known as ‘brand recognition’.

While the love of Akpteshie is enough to make some grown-ups weep, some people also hate it with self-righteous anger. There is this anecdote of a British parliamentarian on a campaign, who was asked ‘if elected, would you ban alcohol in your constituency?’
‘What is alcohol?’ begins the politician’s response. ‘If by alcohol you mean that drink that causes distress and tears families apart then I would condemn it in no uncertain term. But if by alcohol you mean that satisfying liquid that soothes in times of sorrow and delights in times of joy; that which lubricates societal relations then why, it must be preserved and promoted as a spirit of human civilisation.’

In our own parliament not long ago, there was a nice little debate on the use of alcohol vis-a-vis health needs. I believe we can leave that incident for the national gazette. As for Apio, it offers more than a policy dilemma to state actors. But whether we wish it ‘‘long live’’ or ‘’go to hell’’ Akpeteshie is still out there, with a smile